Alguien dijo

“One must do what is central to one’s self before anything else.”

It is interesting because I still do not, or do not really know what that thing would be as I do not do it. What I must do first is take care of Mother; second, I may choose what I like best from the menu she gives. That is all.

What would that thing be? People keep telling me I do not know what I want, or do not want what I should want enough, but that is not true. It is a certain kind of setting I want, and activity, and atmosphere, and autonomy.


One thought on “Alguien dijo

  1. And it’s this: I know what I want but cannot have it.
    So I have a second choice that is perhaps better than the first, even, but I cannot have it.
    I am forced to take a kind of parody of my real choice and it is torture.
    I deserve this torture because of having wanted what I wanted in the first place.
    If I had not wanted it, I would not deserve death by torture.
    This is what my mother taught.
    I should have been a better servant, more perfectly suited to serve.

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