I will find out whether I am still in LASA and ILLI. I will find out whether I can receive paper copies of my father’s insurance bill. I will do other things on my lists. I am changing my life. I do wish the university were not such a space of torture, and that I … More More things I will do
The other thing is that I just have so much pain and grief associated with this academic field that it is hard to function. People always said I must soldier on because it was what I had chosen — I had to bear my cross. Now they say they see it has not worked out … More The thing at the back of my mind that I wish were a palm
It isn’t actually self-doubt or self-hatred, or laziness or lack of commitment or not knowing what one wants, or depression. It is longing. I long to: – live somewhere I feel happy – have an intellectually stimulating life – be safe from torturers, not work with torture – and therefore, be calm enough to really … More Longing
I read about all these professors and how happy they are, how independent and financially secure and creative, and I think: I should be happy and productive, and it is only my lack of strength that prevents it They are happy in places even sadder than here; I should be too I am lazy and … More Mais
— Work on article every morning 7 days/1h no matter what; ideally come up with a readable and sharable draft — Put syllabi and exams in order — Letters of recommendation — Three bureaucratic tasks: study abroad and two speakers — Meet with painters — Things from old lists There is so much to do. … More This week
I started writing again. In the old way — something every day, in the morning when I can, and spend a lot of related time reading, thinking, organizing notes and papers. The keys for me are not to try to rush and not to get scared self-censor. Part of my block on that Vallejo book … More Et voilà
I had my fortune told. My aura is lemon yellow. What will happen if I stay here? we asked the cards. I will experience growth. What will happen if I leave now, to a place more pleasant or favorable? I will become a workaholic. Perhaps the pressure to make it work will be too much, … More The fortuneteller
My friend Omar has a millwork and art workshop where he spends a large part of every day. He says “When I am here, I am happy, and people love my work and thank me for it,” and I envy his non-conflict about his work. In academia we don’t have all the autonomy he has, … More Zen and the art of archery
In the Verhaeghe book, in the chapter on identity, is a great deal of material on the market university including a list of euphemisms like those I discuss in my article — although his choice of examples is, conveniently enough, a completely different set than mine is. (The list is on page 161.) There is … More The market university
My mother had food issues. Being ill, and being served food in bed on a tray, was one thing she liked. Another was being in a restaurant and eating something unusual, warming and good. These events caused her great pleasure and she would exclaim: “Someone is taking care of me!”She felt that she had been … More Psychoanalysis
coldhearted scientist وداد 