1/ “Patriarchal bullshit.” Just do it–but the question is just do what. The times I have just done it when it wasn’t what I wanted to do, were times when really I should have just said no.
2/ Reeducation. How did I fall under its spell? Recent events are a dramatization of it. a) Person presents what you want to see, gains trust. b) You forgive them their limitations — not just because everyone has limitations, but because you have been trained to believe that you in particular must be excessively forgiving of limitations. c) You then try to work normally, in this impaired situation.
3/ Abuse. What I learned from birth: I was impaired, not as competent as other people, would always need support and so must accept whatever treatment I got from those supporting. I should not fall prey to the idea that I can be independent because I cannot. Any independence I have is an illusion provided by the family, to be nice, so I can play and have fun, but it is not real.