It is to talk about work, my history of work. Relation to self in work, relation to family in work. Education, Reeducation, work, identity, right to exist. This is a broader topic than I am covering in this post. This post is about research. There is a way in which my entire academic problem is … More The next step
There is Amar en tiempos revueltos, and there is also Isabel la Católica. I would love to just watch all of these things on RTVE and withdraw from the world entirely. But it is a beautiful fall now, my favorite season outdoors. What is the next step: should I consider denial, magical thinking, evasion, avoidance, … More On television, and on the next step
I always said the problem I had after Reeducation was loss of voice. And earlier on, it had apparently been difficult to get one. Someone once told me that all those sore throats I used to get as a child–it was my stress reaction–were a sign that I had something to say that I was … More La voix
On the paralysis of guilt. Axé.
First: be good to myself and not panic. Next: the links on that page, the Raza cósmica bibliography, the course poster [WHICH CAN WAIT], the grading, and the application. There is of course this paper which must be dealt with [WHICH CANNOT WAIT]. But for the rest of this day, the grading and a walk … More What can I do for ME?
The way to write is to write 2.5 hours in the morning and do things that strengthen you the rest of the time. But those are just practicalities. At a deeper level, you have to fill the project with yourself, as Proust might have said, and pull it onto your ground. I find myself unable … More Comment écrire
It is like self-injury, or is self-injury. It has been happening since Reeducation said (or seemed to say, or communicated) I did not deserve to be enjoying life as I was, to be in as good health as I was or to have achieved the things I had. I should stop following any Reeducated recommendations. … More The mistreatment
Pace Reeducation, passing emotions are not necessarily, yea most likely not “the real you” (if such a thing exists), and they are certainly not more valid than more lasting feelings or considered views. And considered views, for their part, are not merely things one has been taught to believe — they are considered views, noget … More Notes on things I agree and disagree with
…by practicing mental health hygiene. It is not all one must do but hygiene is not mere obedience or compliance. And it does not work in a day but it has a cumulative effect, if only that of not being destructive. The trick is not to say it is all one needs, or not to … More How to fix things
If I stop accusing myself of procrastination and avoidance and recognize that these things are not rooted laziness or adolescent-style “rebellion” but fear, and they are also misguided efforts at protection (against yet greater self-abuse, I might add), it might help. What can I do for me today? Be gentle. I am so violent with … More I also think this
coldhearted scientist وداد 