I don’t have time to write the post now but I was thinking earlier about Reeducation. I understood from my mother I should marry for food, and accept abuse in exchange for food. I did not do that but I realized today I can be made to accept that kind of relationship with work, and … More New Planctus
That was a title of an old student paper, the first page of one copy of which I came across while cleaning the office files. It’s intriguing. They said that Mignolo was ultimately reinscribing a Western view of things, although he intends otherwise. I forget which Mignolo text I had assigned, but the title is … More Mignolo, el orientalista
They are destructive to you. Don’t help them. Yes, it is sad that you have not understood this fully before and have in that way been complicit in the destruction of yourself, but it is very good you see it now and can stop colluding. And you will find you heal somewhat. Even seeing what … More The rule!
You should log the things that happen each day or week, I have decided. I always thought of diaries as cursi but they are meditative, and it’s good. I dreamed of a humiliating conversation at work, the kind that always happens. I’m asked how to improve the program, and I make recommendations based on national … More Log, and dream
I sought psychotherapy back then because of the abusive relationship I had been trained to be in with my mother; I wanted to learn how to get out of it. I saw this statement today, and I am meditating on it: “Trauma is not the thing that HAPPENED to you, trauma is your continued emotional … More Before Reeducation
1/ “Patriarchal bullshit.” Just do it–but the question is just do what. The times I have just done it when it wasn’t what I wanted to do, were times when really I should have just said no. 2/ Reeducation. How did I fall under its spell? Recent events are a dramatization of it. a) Person … More Things to talk about
This is a cheesy article in some ways but it has a list of types of emotional pain that are all results of internalization of mistreatment. Our whole department has these feelings and it is worth considering. We all need to realize that these feelings are imposed. How will I combat it? I will say … More On emotional pain
The other thing is that I just have so much pain and grief associated with this academic field that it is hard to function. People always said I must soldier on because it was what I had chosen — I had to bear my cross. Now they say they see it has not worked out … More The thing at the back of my mind that I wish were a palm
Why did you not ask for advice and information? Because I already knew that my father would not answer such questions. From this I had learned that answers would not be forthcoming from anyone. Axé.
…torture, is what is self-imposed, that is to say, is what I have a choice not to do, now. I have great difficulty distinguishing between depression … laziness … incompetence … refusal to use good strategies … self sabotage that is bad … and activities that may look like self sabotage but are not, because … More The self-imposed… And the chance discovery
coldhearted scientist وداد 