Four months

It is a week or so early but I am declaring myself undepressed now for four months, although November is always stressful. I had an emotional crisis that I let run, so that I could see what it was. I could have shut it off by keeping busy, but I wanted to see what it was.

It started when I stood up to someone on something. I never know for sure whether I have the right to stand up or whether I am fair when I do so. Mars in Aries, Moon in Libra is a difficult opposition.

I stand up to people and get flashbacks about things I was told early on. I was unlikeable and unemployable. I was only tolerated out of underserved charity.

I was tolerated as well because I could  be used to satisfy the requirements of valued people who needed someone to mistreat. If I stood up to anyone, if I refused this role, I would be out on the street and I would find that that situation was yet worse. I was only inches from it at any given moment. I would be put onto the street with no time to prepare.

You should not raise people with these ideas, as they are weakening and not strengthening.

It fascinates me that even the most abject of the motivational videos various well meaning persons sent me to help with this crisis said one should take control of situations.

In Reeducation one was not to take control of anything, and one was to allow oneself to be felled by events, as otherwise one would be commiting the sin of denial. Now, one is to be positive and in control at all times.

I discern that this is some sort of pendulum swing, surely designed to serve the interests of capital. In my view both false negativity and false brightness, or anything else false, are highly stressful to maintain as attitudes.


One thought on “Four months

  1. “both false negativity and false brightness, or anything else false, are highly stressful to maintain as attitudes”.
    I totally agree. Anything false or anything fake are highly disruptive and destructive. We shouldn’t put up with those attitudes.

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