I should talk about kinds of music, nature, and possibly storybooks and poems, to participate in that series on “formation.” I should also talk about the grape boycott and related events of that time.

Really what I have to say is that I should never have left California or rather, that I never had the chance to consider seriously enough the cost of not having the sierra and the coast at hand.

I also note that if formation is not only what one was exposed to or offered but what one sought out, then I may not be truly formed since I do not see myself as having sought things out nearly so actively as I tried to fit in and not upset people. Or so it seems.

That, of course, could be read in another way — one should also consider the things I insisted upon doing despite efforts to dissuade.

What I really want to talk about, however, is how I contracted and why I should drop my fear of teaching. It is very disabling and it is also bad for research — and the irony of it all is that I am actually very good at teaching, and efficient. I have notes on what I transfer onto it, garnered by watching myself think about it yesterday.

But I do not have time to write that post, or the post on formation, either, so this is a stand-in post. My decision not to tear myself apart is slowly working.


4 thoughts on “Stand-in

  1. Strange. Like you I was a good teacher but not a confident one. However, unlike you, I’m glad I left the Bay Area, because it was the place where I experienced early hardships and failure. I have liked everywhere I’ve lived over the years since then, with the exception of Wisconsin.

    1. Oh, I am also glad I left the Bay Area, it is a fishbowl. I’d like to be on central coast, or in L.A./S.D.

      What did you dislike about Wisconsin?

  2. It was cold and full of conventional people. And I was homesick. It was my first time away from home and I got very bad culture shock. But I have not ever experienced culture shock since, except for an episode on a short trip to Japan.

    1. Interesting … I have it here, in northern Brazil, and on the East coast (except NYC). There are places like Texas and the Midwest where I supposedly should have it and do not.

      Conventional, like in the East — I do not relate well in New England and do not think I would like the mid Atlantic either. Very interesting.

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