I am still thinking about this, and then there is this. Both lead to the ideas posts I have been thinking about writing, one on the dismantling of depression (which I claim is actually oppression) and another on the question of terror.
I seem to resemble Samizdat in lots of ways but one important difference is that he is as I was before becoming terrorized. His method for writing does not include instructions for battling terror. He also appears to be comfortable in his physical space. I am not, which is one problem, but the greater one is handling the terror. I did not always have either difficulty and as I say, I resembled Samizdat.
Do I suffer terror because I fear being seen as a high achiever? Did I begin to fear this after suffering devastating consequences because of being perceived as one? At the same time I fear the results of not being a high achiever, so I struggle against two terrors, from two directions, and thus inhabit only a narrow psychological space.
I am impatient with writing advice because what I actually seek is counter-terror advice. This advice is related to, or resembles the anti-[–]pression advice, a version of which we have from the Princess.