And it is about this, ultimately

“We assume you must suffer and live a small life because we cannot believe you are capable of more, or could imagine more. We do not believe you could be serious about anything, or that any of your interests could be more than half-hearted hobbies or talk.”

Yes, one should have been able to rise above this, I am repeatedly told, but I was weakened by it. Adversity strengthens worthy people but did not strengthen me. Ergo, I deserved what I got and worse, by that logic.

I do not believe in these things. I wish I could wash out all the things I was told. I had almost done it when I went to psychotherapy and was told those things were the truth of me, that I needed to feel them more deeply, increase and not decrease pain.

I would like to walk out of the house of pain forever.


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