La fatigue

I am running a marathon and I do not know when it will stop. I like all the things I am doing — although I could do without some of them. But I like them and I would like them more if I did not have to do each one so fast.

If you have my breadth of interests it is desirable not to have to do things that lie outside your portfolio, even if these things are also interesting enough. I do not have this situation.

Still I am told I look rested, and sometimes I feel as though a weight had been lifted.

The weight is self-doubt, and/or the feeling that one must not do what one knows is right. It is so difficult, after Reeducation, to place oneself at the center of one’s own life. Reeducation wanted to be first, and elbowed its way in. I felt as though I did not have the right to lead when I should.

It is difficult to take one’s place in one’s own life, but it can be done. And doing it means you can accomplish more, too.


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