There are hardly any blogs anymore. I read an old post by the great Twisty therefore, and realized once again how much it all comes down to patriarchy. Twisty refers to “her spiritual death at college.” “It took me about 30 years to grow [my mojo] back,” she says.
I didn’t have her experience then but I remember my shock to discover how mistreated one would be upon becoming a professor, or upon moving away from a modern region. Also before going away to college, being raised as a girl. I never realized what hit me, and I am still trying to see it.
I am a person and my ideas are valid. It took so long to learn that, and it was so easy to unlearn. I am trying to act on it now. Lack of investment in self, or struggle with self, come up any time I am not engaged in heroic effort on behalf of some other person, or some collective.
Yet I will invest, as it is investment in self that stops the bothersome struggle with self (I see this now). I have also just realized why I should apply for a certain professorship.