This professional organization and me

I have always chafed in my role in it because of the way I was pressed by bossy and officious faculty, and the national leadership is the same. The state conference demanded I bring a fancy speaker here last fall, and the one who had most insisted upon this then objected to my being reimbursed for the cost. Now another one was beyond rude Saturday, after I schlepped to the center of the state para cumplir. I want to resign but should really not. More than that I want an apology from someone for their behavior this weekend. I am always surprised when people who present as allies are friends, are not.

In addition: I do not appreciate certain bad advice. And locally there was last year’s taunting, “Have you ever seen the [organization’s documents]?” when I was freakin’ following them to the letter. “If you cannot make person X fulfill my fantasy, I will Report You!” [With what goal in mind–to get me removed from the role you begged me to take?] And this year’s condescension and MASSIVE inconveniencing, also at the local level. I am so annoyed with several people in this organization; perhaps the issue is that most people are just not nice.

My problem, as always, is what I call “being treated like a servant”–by which I mean expected to do all the heavy lifting and then criticized for not doing it according to some individual’s instructions, and/or being invaded, having someone expect that my body or my mind or my house or my emotions are theirs to appropriate and use … and also that I am someone they can patronize and condescend to while I work for them. This makes me both terribly ashamed and frighteningly angry.


3 thoughts on “This professional organization and me

  1. Another thing I wrote in my crisis. I am just tired, but what I express in these resentment crises is revealing.

    It really rankles to be mistreated in a volunteer job. That time last fall when people, after the fact, did not want to reimburse me for costs they had asked me to incur in addition to the many hours of time I had put in, and the sacrifice of my work for their whim. The time this weekend getting yelled at by an officious person. I am miserable, cannot sleep and want to quit.
    Isn’t it: when you start to resent something, you should not be doing it any more?

  2. Long ago I was, for a short time, the president of my condo association because no one else was willing to do it (I had been Treasurer, well within my capacities, and then the President and Secretary moved out, so I was the only experienced board member left). I had trouble staying on top of things (which I’m sure is not the case with you), and a new guy moved in and started complaining about incompetence and called a meeting to try to oust me from the position. I was all “Dude, are you volunteering? MAKE MY DAY!!!!” This, absolutely: “when you start to resent something, you should not be doing it any more.”

  3. Have you ever chaired a department? I’ve always said I would not mind in the right circumstances but the current presidency is really making me think twice.

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