I have always chafed in my role in it because of the way I was pressed by bossy and officious faculty, and the national leadership is the same. The state conference demanded I bring a fancy speaker here last fall, and the one who had most insisted upon this then objected to my being reimbursed for the cost. Now another one was beyond rude Saturday, after I schlepped to the center of the state para cumplir. I want to resign but should really not. More than that I want an apology from someone for their behavior this weekend. I am always surprised when people who present as allies are friends, are not.
In addition: I do not appreciate certain bad advice. And locally there was last year’s taunting, “Have you ever seen the [organization’s documents]?” when I was freakin’ following them to the letter. “If you cannot make person X fulfill my fantasy, I will Report You!” [With what goal in mind–to get me removed from the role you begged me to take?] And this year’s condescension and MASSIVE inconveniencing, also at the local level. I am so annoyed with several people in this organization; perhaps the issue is that most people are just not nice.
My problem, as always, is what I call “being treated like a servant”–by which I mean expected to do all the heavy lifting and then criticized for not doing it according to some individual’s instructions, and/or being invaded, having someone expect that my body or my mind or my house or my emotions are theirs to appropriate and use … and also that I am someone they can patronize and condescend to while I work for them. This makes me both terribly ashamed and frighteningly angry.