- Read academic journals, feel excited to be off the terrible campus and back into reality; plan interesting weekends at research libraries, museums, beaches.
- Exult in being in off the terrible campus, take walks, plan interesting weekends in cultural venues and at beaches, read in field and new field, study.
Then: Reeducation, and finally, three more jobs.
- VAP: Feel stunned, enjoy the scenery, rent interesting movies or go see them, worry.
- VAP: Feel relaxed but disconnected, read classic literature out of field, try to reconnect with self.
- TT again: Feel desperate, get on suicide hotlines. Reeducation told me I shouldn’t be doing intellectual work and I severed my ties; they can be brought back but I do not have the means in this job to sustain them and I do not have the means to go on the market or leave town.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 