“Bien regarder, je crois que ça s’apprend.” –Emmanuelle Riva in Hiroshima mon amour. “Change comes first at the societal level, not at the level of the individual. You work to change society, change the relations of production, and this work changes you.” My Marxist boyfriend said this one day in Berkeley during Reagan’s second presidential … More On change
It is said you cannot psychoanalyze yourself but I am forced to do it as I have found it to be the best available option. That is why I have this weblog. There were two breakthroughs this week. It is a breakthrough when you find a simple answer. The first was actually one I had … More A terrible beauty
I know people say procrastination is perfectionism but I don’t know how in the world they came up with this idea. I know perfectionists and they don’t procrastinate, they’re just meticulous and over-critical, over-fussy. I first “procrastinated” twice in graduate school, when I had paper ideas that were not actually viable. Studying on quarters there … More A rough draft (response to Jonathan)
This life is more ascetic than one I would lead, but it has the meditativeness I like and the activity. Other people swear by the 15-minute block and perhaps it is because of having been invaded and trampled upon so much, but I don’t like crammed schedules and do like time to meditate. My difficulty … More On wing-clipping
The current firestorm is useful insofar as I now know whose so-called expertise not to trust. (Yes, one should always look at all policy documents, review them, seek the wisdom therein but that is something we can all do.) I am told I am not competent enough, or trustworthy enough. I don’t sacrifice enough, take … More Eh bien
I am being mistreated and am trying not to engage. I would send mail saying: Just to keep you informed, K and I decided, for Fall, to: a/ let situation A unfold as it will. b/ support B if they want to work toward C. c/ support B if they want to work toward D. … More Mail I am not sending
Postive motivation: I am enjoying this and I wish to continue. Neutral motivation: I want this to be finished, so I will continue. Negative motivation: I must prove myself (and please people), so I will do this. The negative motivation is negative because it assumes one is insufficient. It focuses very heavily on this insufficient … More A hierarchy of motivation
Graduate: Thank you so much for helping me get this job! Z: I did not help you! I wrote no letter of recommendation, called no contacts, and gave no help writing the cover letter! Graduate: But you helped so much! Z: Well, how did I help? Graduate: When I asked whether you thought I were … More My most common thank-you letter
I told you I should have been a conservationist. I kept saying, this is urgent, and you think I should study the history of western civilization and piano playing so I can become a genteel wife? Russia as a moderate fascist state. Actual diversity work. And more diversity work. Betsy de Vos calls discrimination and … More Encore des articles
I am in the stage of recognizing that she was not, due to the emotional abuse and its profundity, but here is something really good. My mother came from a relatively racist, classist, and anti-Semitic background and rather than propagate that or deny it, she fought against those sentiments and learned to shed them. This … More Some of the ways in which my mother was a good mother
coldhearted scientist وداد 