I feel better. It has to do with staying up as late as I want to and getting up as late, always working out, and having the right food. But mostly it has to do with remembering one is a person with rights.
But I am looking at some curriculum vitae that list activities I wish I had not cut myself out of the running for. That is one of the reasons it is so hard to have stayed in the profession: over and over I come face to face with the lists of adventures I renounced, and did not replace with other adventures.
One can note that if one is raised with the idea that one must not aspire, events do make their unfortunate sense. And someone said the other day, there a strength of character in you that many lack. I hope that, at least, can be true.