1. I need some grounding techniques for when grief / pain / fear take over. One of the main ones is to remember I am a person and I have rights, and that I might not automatically be wrong or be guilty. 2. I take on entirely too much responsibility for everything, and really need … More What I learned today
Every day I will do: – One thing for Dad (for example, get in touch with HCU for documents, and LTC for confirmation and verification; do some shopping for him; call him). – One thing for research (for example, print out that contract and send it, but also, have a writing session). – One thing … More The summer rhythm
A friend of a friend writes: In patriarchal societies, women unbound are not trusted because insecure men fear that their offspring could be fathered by others and that created a societal need to subjugate and control women. Even in this day and age, for men and unevolved women, the worst and also most believed insult … More Sobre la honestidad en la mujer
I will construct a log of my interactions with one of my father’s insurance companies. It is amazing how much of my time has gone into this kind of thing this year. It is also amazing to realize that his heart event was over five months ago now. Axé.
People make anti-resumés of rejections, which are interesting since they show the submerged iceberg below the polished tip. Another anti-resumé would be of achievements that don’t “count,” that would not make it into either the resumé or the anti-resumé, but that are achievements nonetheless. A very great deal of my time goes into such things. … More Your mind and you are our Sargasso Sea
Someone fairly well known in a related field died and his obituary is making the rounds. I read it and saw that he had had the life I wanted: fascinating research, wonderful dissertation students, warm colleagues here and abroad. I am in a constant state of grief about having thrown good years after bad, hoping … More Obituary, identity, life, nostalgia, desire
It must be in my horoscope, I do not like to rush. I am already rapid and efficient, so I do not need to rush, but I would not like it even if I were not rapid and efficient. There is really only ONE thing I dislike about academia and it is the ethos of … More Rushing
There are so many days I would feel just fine if I could stay home part of the time to read and write, or if I could teach in English, or teach in Spanish to people who spoke it, or teach Spanish as a second language to people who could accept that learning Spanish isn’t … More Anhelos
What I miss about the jobs I have had in R-1 institutions is feeling like an adult. You work calmly with adults. Elsewhere being constantly badgered, accused, pulled down, yelled at, interrupted, and having to work through the frantic irrationality of others really drains and disorients me because it activates the traumatized state of childhood, … More Nostalgia
If I have a definite view or a strong recommendation, I am called controlling and bossy. If I have no opinion, or a tentative opinion, or am comfortable with any of several alternatives, I am called vague and accused of insufficient participation. UPDATE: Another sexist thing I undergo, and do not understand, is the technique … More Insecure men and insecure patriarchal women
coldhearted scientist وداد 